By: Paige Valentik, MPS, RD, LDN

By the time this is posted, we will have completed our third Overnight Suicide Awareness Walk. We may even be sleeping as you read this! In the spirit of a supportive community, I thought I would share some advice about how to (imperfectly) be a supportive spouse or loved one to someone who has experienced loss.

Losing someone is never easy—but when loss comes suddenly, through a cancer diagnosis or suicide, the grief can feel especially overwhelming and disorienting. If someone close to you is navigating this kind of heartbreak, you may feel unsure of how to help. You can’t fix the pain, but your presence, patience, and compassion can make a real difference. Here’s how to support a loved one through unexpected loss.

1. Listen More Than You Speak

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there. Let your loved one talk—about the person they lost, their fears, their anger, or even nothing at all. Offer a safe space without needing to fill the silence or offer advice. Just listening, without judgment or pressure, is often exactly what they need.

2. Understand That Grief Has No Timeline or Rules

Grief is not linear. One day your loved one might seem okay, and the next, the weight of it might crash over them like a wave. Especially with sudden loss, emotions may surface in unexpected and intense ways—all of it is normal. Be prepared for grief to come and go without warning, and meet each moment with gentleness.

3. Show Empathy, Not Pity

It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” Avoid clichés like “Everything happens for a reason.” Instead, express genuine sympathy: “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I’m here to support you however I can.” Being real and kind will always mean more.

4. Check In Consistently—Based on What They Need

Don’t wait for them to ask for help. Loss can make people feel isolated, and they may not have the energy to reach out. A simple “Just thinking of you today” can remind them they’re not alone. If they’ve expressed preferences about how often they want to talk, honor that, but keep showing up in the way that works for them.

5. Get Comfortable With the Uncomfortable

Talking about death, mental illness, or the pain of losing someone suddenly can be hard—but avoiding those topics can make the person grieving feel even more isolated. Be brave enough to sit in uncomfortable conversations. You don’t need to have the answers; your willingness to talk about the hard stuff is what matters.

Supporting someone through sudden loss isn’t about doing something big—it’s about being consistent, present, and kind in the little moments. Let your loved one lead the way, and show up without judgment. Your compassion, even in silence, is a powerful reminder that they are not alone in their grief.

PSA: This is tough stuff. There is absolutely no shame in you seeking help to navigate these challenging situations. Like the airlines say, ‘remember to put your oxygen mask on first.’ Mental health is health.