By John Valentik, MS, CSCS, NASM-PES, CES

“The story in our minds is the lens in which we see the world.” Unknown

That simple idea carries a lot of weight. Whether we realize it or not, our minds are constantly telling stories—about who we are, what we’re capable of, what others think of us, and what the future holds. Those stories shape our emotions, our decisions, and ultimately, the direction of our lives.

Put another way and since I’m obsessed with quotes, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” Charles Swindoll

That remaining 90%? It lives almost entirely in in our own heads! The story in our minds doesn’t appear out of thin air. It’s heavily influenced by what—and who—we allow into our lives.

The people we surround ourselves with. Are they solution-focused or stuck in constant complaint mode? Do they believe growth is possible, or do they continue to reinforce limitation? Over time, their language becomes our language, their beliefs begin to shape our own.

The content we consume. News, social media, podcasts, shows—these all send messages. Some inform. Some inspire. Others amplify fear, outrage, or hopelessness. If we feed our minds a steady diet of stress and negativity, we shouldn’t be surprised when our internal narrative follows suit.

Our internal dialogue. This is the most influential input of all. The things we say to ourselves—especially in moments of adversity—set the tone for how we respond. I love an interview Terry Crews did on this very topic and beautifully articulated positive self-talk imaging yourself as a child again. We may not control every circumstance, but we always have influence over the story we attach to it.

Stress isn’t just about workload—it’s about narrative. “I have too much on my plate” creates overwhelm and paralysis. “What’s the most important thing right now?” creates movement. Same circumstances. Different lens. Progress often stalls not because of reality, but because of the story we attach to it.

This shows up in fitness too. On hard days where we are unmotivated or not feeling good, “I’m not feeling it today, I’ll just skip it.” Versus “I can still do something” preserves your identity as some who exercises on both good and bad days. Momentum stays alive, and small efforts compound.

I see this with students around public speaking. “I’m not a public speaker or it’s just not what I do” is an identity claim that shuts growth down. Practice changes the story to I’m improving. Remember, competence precedes confidence!

These stories appear everywhere: “I’m bad with money” versus “I’m learning.” “I don’t have time” versus “This isn’t a priority.” One removes agency. The other restores it.

Life is hard. Adversity is real. But the meaning we assign to challenges determines whether they stop us or strengthen us. The story in your mind is the lens through which you experience life. Change the lens, and the experience begins to change.

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